What are your development goals for this year? Mine include developing the skill to create the same magic in an online training as I’m used to seeing on site, venturing into the world of podcasts and finding a way to read a few more from that mountain of books I keep adding to…

Assuming that you have some development goals, I’d like to ask you another question: How did you decide on those goals?

Hands up if you assessed your capabilities across the whole range of your responsibilities before setting goals. Or maybe you did that in conjunction with your line manager, coach or mentor.

I think that’s a good start. Have a look at what you’re expected to deliver and gauge how easy it is for you to do that. Identify your skills, strengths and – um… are we allowed to call them ‘weaknesses’? Or do you call them ‘areas for development’?

This is where it gets interesting. If you call those aspects of the work that you’re not so good at ‘areas for development’ you’re almost bound to then set development goals to address those shortcomings, aren’t you? It would seem strange to identify ‘areas for development’ and then set development goals that ignored them.

Now, think about this:  if you have a limited amount of time and money to spend on your development is it better to develop your strengths so that you become truly outstanding in a specific area? Or is it better to spend your limited time and money working at something you have no aptitude for?

Your answer to that question will depend on whether you (or your boss, HR partner or coach) are working towards a vision of you as a specialist or a generalist. Or whether you aspire to a qualification.

Most vocational qualifications require demonstration of competence across the full range of relevant skills. Some allow a degree of specialisation, but not all.

Most corporate appraisal systems assume that the process will identify weaknesses and work on them. In effect, they seek to create an organisation full of generalists. Transferable skills! I hear somebody shout. But what about experts? What about specialists? What about honing your skills to a level of mastery in a small number of areas instead of trying to be equally good at everything?

I can’t help thinking that an enormous amount of time and money is wasted on people attempting to develop skills and capabilities that don’t come naturally and don’t appeal to them as a learner.

And as the Learning and Development profession worldwide prepares to excommunicate me, I’d like to put forward a different philosophy:

What if we encouraged people to develop the skills that come naturally and the activities that they enjoy. What if we encouraged people to do more of what they’re good at instead of wasting their time and effort trying to address their ‘weaknesses’?

What if we also showed everyone how to work in teams so that the team demonstrated the full range of capabilities even though the individuals within the team specialised, or even excelled, in a few areas?

Now, I realise that this is an idealist philosophy. I know that there are times when some of us have to carry out tasks that we don’t find easy or don’t much enjoy. But instead of regarding that as an unalterable state of affairs, why not make the development goal focus on how to delegate that task rather than master it?

At the very least, let’s balance up the development that address weaknesses with some that also build on existing strengths and aim towards mastery. Otherwise, we’re spending our training budgets to foster mediocrity.

Personally, I’d rather see people develop into their own talents instead of focusing on their shortcomings. I’d like to see everyone have the opportunity to shine.

What do you think?  Let me know…

A CIPD Annual Learning & Talent Development survey of a few years back highlighted coaching as one of the top five talent management activities. Of the companies that took part in the survey 51% offered coaching to managers.

When I saw that, I couldn’t help wondering how varied that ‘coaching’ might be and how much value it added to the managers and the businesses.

‘Coaching ‘is one of those words that means different things to different people. It’s often confused with Mentoring and sometimes means little more than giving feedback.

Here’s my take on what it means and why it’s useful…

One of my earliest experiences of coaching was with Sir John Whitmore (his book, ‘Coaching for Performance’ is still one of my favourites). Sir John defines coaching as ‘helping people to apply what they already know’.

Straight away, we have coaching defined as an activity that acknowledges the ability of the client. I think this is important. I might take it a step further.

There is a presupposition of NLP: Everybody has, or can create, the resources they need to succeed.

If we look at coaching in the light of that presupposition then we can enlarge the definition to:

Coaching is helping people to access the resources they need to succeed.

The way I see it, the coach is there to help the client use the resources they already have, in pursuit of some specific goals. The paradox is this:  if the client already has everything they need to succeed, why do they need a coach?

Usually, the reason why a person benefits from working with a coach is this: working alone, many people get stuck. Faced with a new challenge, it can be hard to tell the best way to approach it. It might be difficult to break out old habits, or the thinking process might get into an endless circle of non-productive worrying.

The job of a coach is to provide a process to help the client move forward in his/her thinking. Sometimes this means mostly listening and asking questions to help the client clarify his own thoughts.

Sometimes it means providing a framework to ensure that a new idea is considered from all useful angles, such as when goal-setting. Sometimes it means taking a systematic approach to overcoming a mental block.

Sometimes, if the client is stressed or dealing with the results of major changes, it can mean guiding the client through a process to release negative emotions and restore the mind to a resourceful state.

Often, coaching works with behaviour patterns that are normally outside of conscious awareness. Anything you can do really well, you can do without thinking. Unfortunately, there are also lots of things we do less well that we also do without thinking!

Of course, I’m talking about coaching where the coach has the full range of NLP tools and techniques to draw on. NLP is an excellent addition to any coach’s skills, because it actually enables the client to re-wire their thinking. It creates new neurological pathways in the brain.

The more of this kind coaching a client participates in, the more the mind is re-trained to use the processes unconsciously to resolve issues before the client is consciously aware of them. The key to success is nearly always in the unconscious habits.

The aim of coaching is to replace habits that lead to stress and failure with habitual processes that lead to success and satisfaction.

And the real value of coaching at the unconscious level?

The client does not have to remember to do anything different, there is no fighting against natural inclinations, often clients forget that they ever had a mental block in the first place!

Done well, coaching is a very powerful means of unleashing talent. One of the keys to success is in the relationship between coach and client. If there is ‘chemistry’ between the two, then results will follow. Without that chemistry, we can be less certain of success.

So what is coaching?

Coaching is a relationship between a coach and a client that enables the client to access the resources they need to succeed.

At least that’s what it is in my map of the world!

 

Click here for details of the ‘How To Be A Brilliant Coach’ training.

This is a programme for coaches who want to take their skills to the next level; and for managers who want the ability to increase their team’s performance.

As people in the UK face further weeks in total lockdown and in other countries around the world the picture is not much different, how are you doing?  Is this the ‘new normal’ everyone has been talking about?  Or are you tired of being restricted, restless and unfocused? How is your mental health?

The circumstances of your own lockdown will have a part to play in the way you experience this period of restriction.  The physical environment and the people with whom you share it are significant.  Here are some possibilities:

When you’re in lockdown with your partner or family

It can be a great thing to be in lockdown with your loved ones.  It’s time to be together without the stress of a daily commute.  You may feel you have more time for each other and you are able to tackle some projects at home that have been waiting for their day to come.

As one of my clients expressed it, ‘It’s lovely to discover that the woman I married all those years ago is still the person I want to be with all the time’.  I’m delighted for him!

I’m also aware that not everyone has had such a delightful experience of being locked down with family.  At the other extreme, there are people who have suffered greatly at the hands of an abusive partner.  I hope, for people in such distressing circumstances, this pandemic has been the catalyst to seek the help they need to escape.

For most other people, the experience of being at home with your partner and/or children day after day, is likely to be a mixture of the enjoyable and the irritating without necessarily any coherent pattern as to what is enjoyable or irritating on a given day.

Firstly, there’s the lack of personal space. That can be either physical space or mental space.  If you’re accustomed to a quiet hour on the train or in the car to ‘bookend’ the working day it can be hard to miss out on that time to read the news or listen to your favourite podcast.  You may feel under pressure to do activities ‘as a family’ and spend all your time in togetherness even if you feel in need of some ‘me time’.

Human beings in general separate experiences by a process known as ‘compartmentalisation’.  It enables us to function well in the face of the immediate demands of the situation regardless of what we may be concerned with in other aspects of life.  Hence, you can go to the office and put in a good day’s work even if the bathroom ceiling is falling down and the plumber can’t get to you for another two days.  This is also the reason why you can ‘switch off’ when you go on holiday or enjoy a stroll around the park at lunchtime even though you have a stressful meeting to attend later.  You’re in a different place and different things are required of you. (I know some people don’t compartmentalise as well as others, but it is an innate skill.)

Being in lockdown and working at home denies us the ability to compartmentalise.  There isn’t enough distinction between home life and working life.  It means you can never fully ‘get away’ from anything that’s a source of stress or irritation.  It’s hard to get a different perspective when you can’t detach from your problems by literally going somewhere else.

This may be why you feel restless and anxious to get out of the house.  Daily exercise has been encouraged for a range of reasons and getting out of the house to walk, run, cycle or play your favourite (socially-distanced) sport is very beneficial.  If you’re feeling a bit overcrowded by your family, go out alone.  That may seem obvious, but sometimes it’s hard to see a solution when your whole life is up close.

Another factor in this situation can be a sense of guilt.  One person told me that he felt guilty about being dissatisfied and restless.  He said, ‘I’m safe at home, I have a supportive employer who is enabling me to continue to do my job and I’m surrounded by a loving family.  I should be grateful but I’m angry and resentful instead.  I feel guilty when so many people are much worse off than me and yet I just want to get back in the office.’  Sound familiar?

It’s normal.  No matter how well the circumstances have been adapted to facilitate your life during lockdown, the fact remains that none of us can do exactly what we are used to doing.  It’s normal to feel unhappy about that and sadly, many people will then feel guilty for feeling unhappy.

At an intellectual level we may fully understand and support what’s happening.  The more primitive, gut-level response of anger, frustration or fear is also a normal response to prolonged restriction of our activities and the loss of anticipated pleasures.  Ignoring your feelings will only work for so long.  At some point you have to acknowledge your emotions and tackle the cause, or they’ll just keep on getting more intense.

That, of course, is also true whatever your circumstances…

When you live alone

People who choose to live alone are often those with introverted personality types.  They enjoy the solitude at the end of a busy working day and are content in the peace and quiet.  Many people however, live alone, not out of choice but because they are recently divorced, separated or widowed.  It may have been hard to be alone before the lockdown, but some solace could be found in social gatherings, hobbies and holidays.

Regardless of the reason why you’re alone, the isolation is a problem.  Human beings are social animals and even the most introverted among us needs some contact with other people.  And I do mean literal, physical contact.

Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” In the UK we may be a little reserved about hugging, but even the touch of another human being in a handshake can be an important moment of contact for someone who doesn’t have someone at home to snuggle up with on the sofa.

It’s partly this loss of physical connection that creates the sense of loneliness and isolation.  Chatting to friends by phone or zoom can be fun, but it doesn’t supply the physical warmth that lets us know we belong.

Some people who live alone have compensated for this lack of human interaction by focusing all their energy on their work.  It’s a form of compartmentalising – by putting yourself in a frame of mind that doesn’t normally include hugging, you feel the lack of hugs less.  And while your boss may be pleased with the amount of work you’re getting through, this isn’t healthy long term.  A good boss will probably challenge you on it and encourage you to balance up your work time with other pursuits.

So what’s the solution to this lack of physical contact?  Pets, especially furry ones, are an enormous comfort to those who live alone.  If you don’t or can’t have a pet, try sleeping with an extra pillow to hug or treat yourself to a ‘weighted blanket’.  Don’t underestimate the value of a teddy bear, either!

…I could go on.  In fact I did!

If you’d like to find out more about the effects of lockdown on your mental and emotional wellbeing, click here to get your free copy of ‘Your Mind in Lockdown’.