The UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, in his press briefings about coronavirus restrictions, frequently refers to the importance of the ‘freedoms of the British people’. I’m somewhat uncomfortable about this slightly awkward use of the English language, especially coming from one so illustriously educated, but I agree with the sentiment.

Freedom is important.

The question is, which is most important to you? The freedom to…? Or the freedom from…?

As you play with those two different phrases in your mind, what do you notice?

For me, when I think about acquiring the ‘freedom to’, I feel a sense of opportunities opening up, of lightness and laughter, I feel the empowerment of choice. It’s a feeling that prompts me to sit up straighter and to lift my head. To look the world in the eye and invent my future.

When I think I about acquiring ‘freedom from’ (assuming I can ignore the echoes of a popular supermarket brand of gluten-free products), I get a completely different experience. When I think of acquiring the ‘freedom from’ I experience a narrowing of focus and pull towards examining the past. If I indulge this further, I start noticing small irritations and tiresome tasks, repeating irrelevant events and people I’d rather not deal with.

Does it make me feel free? No, it makes me feel irritated and tired. It highlights the troubles from which I am NOT free.

In a nutshell, this is the difference between Towards and Away From motivation. It’s also the difference between your brain in Reward or Threat mode.

The contemplation of ‘freedom to’ stimulates creative thinking, it engenders a feeling of autonomy and choice, it puts us in the driving seat of our own lives. Even if it’s the freedom to do something which you may ultimately choose not to do. The choice is important. The choice triggers the brain into Reward mode.

Thinking about the ‘freedom from’, in the past year I have experienced freedom from early morning starts, uncomfortable shoes, travel expenses and motorway service lunches. Did it make me happy? Not especially, because none of these things were big problems for me, but it may have engendered a few brief flashes of gratitude.

I’ve had the ‘freedom to’ run a very flexible schedule, to work on my creative projects, to avoid unwanted social interaction. Did that make me happy? Sometimes, but not every day.

You see, there is a difference between focusing on the freedom you have and the freedom you want. Try it:

Think of an area of your life: work, family, a hobby, a goal:

• What do you currently have the freedom to do?
• What do you currently enjoy freedom from?
• What do you want the freedom to do (which you currently lack)?
• What do you want freedom from (that you currently endure)?

This shows the importance of context. It also shows the significance of choosing your focus. If you focus on the freedom you have, that’s always going to be more productive than focusing on the freedom you lack.

…and ultimately, I can’t help thinking that we have in fact, enjoyed a great deal of freedom during our period of enforced lockdown, if we choose to see it that way.

As part of a recent team meeting I invited each team member to share their (current) favourite Personal Development book and it was one of my highlights of the day. The session involved each person not only naming their favourite book but also explaining why and/or reading a few paragraphs. I can’t invite you to one of our meetings, but I can share with you the books that were recommended in that session and a flavour of the discussion:

I started it off (leader’s privilege) with an excerpt from “The Knight in Rusty Armour” by Robert Fisher.  This book has positive anchors for people who have done NLP Practitioner training with me and it’s special for all kinds of reasons. I truly cannot remember where I bought my first copy – I believe it jumped off the shelf and into my hands in a bookshop in a US city, but I have no idea which one. My first copy went missing from a training room and I replaced it with an author-signed hardback copy I found on amazon.

Next, Jeremy volunteered “Conversations with God (Book 1)” by Neale Donald Walsch and treated us to the following few lines:

“You may think this is easy, this ‘be who you are’ business, but it’s the most challenging thing you’ll ever do in your life. In fact, you may never get there. Few people do. Not in one lifetime, not in many.”

Several other team members had also read this one and agreed that Book 1 is the best of the three.

Next up, Vicki recommended “Untamed: Stop Pleasing, Start Living” by Glennon Doyle and read to us the introduction, entitled ‘Cheetah Run’. This was a new title for everyone else, so she gets top marks for introducing us to a new writer. (Could it be because she’s a bit younger than most of the rest of the team…)

Peter’s recommendation was “The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N Aron”. It explains that 20% of the population have a more sensitive nervous system than the remaining 80% and takes the reader through the ways to identify whether you, or someone close to you is a HSP as well as giving advice on how to manage in a world that is geared towards the 80%. It’s a great addition to your knowledge on how to manage stress and might be the key to managing sensory overwhelm.

Maria then gave us “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R Covey. A classic and a title familiar to everyone in the team. Having said that, my copy is getting on for 30 years old and I probably haven’t looked at in the last ten! Maybe it’s time to dust it off and read it again. Maria certainly inspired me with her enthusiasm for this book.

It was Neil’s turn next. Our very own Mr Options! I should have realised that he would be reluctant to name just one book as his Favourite. Or is that incapable…?

So Neil gave us a list:

How Real is Real by Paul Watzlawick; Awareness by Anthony De Mello; The Reenchantment of the World by Morris Berman; Every Time I Find the Meaning of Life, They Change it by Daniel Martin Cline; It was on Fire When I Laid Down on it by Robert Fulgham; Illusions by Richard Bach

That last one, is also one of my personal favourites and Neil and I have used is as part of the NLP Master Practitioner programme for many years. If you’re a fan, you might like to know that there is a Volume 2: “Illusions II” by Richard Bach.

Debbie made the final recommendations and I give her full credit for suggesting this activity. As a writer of fiction, Debbie’s favourite personal development books are related to her journey as a writer and I allowed her a list, rather than just one book, as well:

The Science of Story Telling by Will Storr; Short Circuit: A Guide to the Art of the Short Story (edited) by Vanessa Gebbie, The Field Guide to Writing Flash Fiction (edited) by Tara Lynn Masih

So that wrapped up a very enjoyable session. It not only pointed me in the direction of some new titles but also reminded me of some of the gems on my books case that haven’t been off the shelf lately – well, not to be read anyway. My recent house move means that they’ve all been handled at least twice recently.

If you’ve enjoyed our list too, please share your own favourite personal development books with us…

…and if you’re hosting a meeting of your team, why not undertake the same exercise? I think about 24 hours notice of the question is good – but no longer or it’s likely that everyone will come with a Top Ten!