You might recognise the quote from the famous BBC quiz show, Mastermind. The rules of the game mean that if the host has started to ask a new question when the time buzzer goes off, they finish asking the question and the contestant is allowed to answer.

In real life, not everything is that simple.

In a recent meeting where we were examining the buying patterns of our clients, one of my colleagues asked me, ‘Why would someone come to a Taster Day or to Module One of NLP Practitioner training and then not complete the journey?’ Interesting question…

There could be many reasons why someone, having started something, doesn’t complete it.

If I look at the question through the lens of the LAB Profile, the Reason filter has something interesting to offer.

The Reason filter casts light on how a person most likes to work. Is there are a constant drive to find new ways to do a task, or do they prefer to stick with what they know works? It’s the difference between an Options and a Procedures preference.

The person with an Options preference, likes to have (obviously) options. They enjoy variety and get bored if they have to follow a procedure laid down by someone else. They might have trouble committing to a specific opportunity, just in case something better comes along. While the idea of a Taster Day might appeal to someone in this frame of mind, they might not book a ticket until relatively close to the event – being satisfied that nothing more interesting was offered. (What could be more interesting than a Brilliant Minds Taster Day? Really!) We sometimes get last-minute enquiries from people wondering how to book a place or which methods of payment we accept. They want to know all the options.

If we then look at the person with the Procedures preference in this context – because all LAB Profile patterns are context-dependent – we see a totally different attitude. The person in Procedures mode will probably follow a link from one of our emails and go through the booking procedure as it’s offered. They will be happy to receive a confirmation email and – later on – further joining instructions for the day itself. If I get advance questions from someone like this, they’re likely to be about the start and finish times or about what happens after the Taster Day.

You see, the person with the Procedures preference sees chains of events, steps in a process or sequences of activity. They like to know where they are in the process and where it will end.

Consider this: at the end of a Taster Day, when I offer people the opportunity to come along to the first Module of our NLP Practitioner training at a discounted rate, who finds it easiest to say ‘Yes’?

In general, it’s the person in Procedures mode. They have taken the first step and it’s logical to them to take the next step. Many will commit to the whole 20-day programme at this stage because they feel that, having started, they want to complete the journey.

The person in Options mode, on the other hand, finds it harder to say ‘yes’. The next step could be a month or two away and they don’t know whether there might be some other opportunity coming their way. They want to keep their options open. Maybe they book for Module One and decide to wait and see about the rest of the programme. This is, of course, exactly why we offer the opportunity to come to Module One with no obligation to go any further. I believe that once you have experienced the magic of NLP, you’ll want to do the whole course but I understand it’s a big commitment of time and money and you want to be certain that it’s for you.

And here’s where we find a paradox…

I always suggest to people who have booked for Module One of NLP Practitioner training that they pencil in the dates for the rest of the programme, ‘to keep their options open’. Why? Because I’ve had a few people in the past who booked for Module One, loved it and wanted to carry on through the programme but already had a lot of the dates booked for other things and so weren’t able to join us. By trying to keep their options open they actually removed the option to complete the course.

If we go back to the original question, ‘Why would someone come to a Taster Day or to Module One of NLP Practitioner training and then not complete the journey?’  more often than not, the answer is, ‘because they were keeping their options open.’

Yes, occasionally someone concludes ‘it’s not for me’ – usually these are people who have been persuaded along by someone else. Occasionally someone can’t get the support they need from their employer but most people who come to a Taster Day are keen to do more. The reality is, if you’re going to participate in a 20-day programme spread out over five months, it takes a bit of planning.

 

If you’d like to get started, here are the links to find out more about our Taster Days and Module One of NLP Practitioner training:

• Brilliant Minds Taster Days – NLP, Neuroscience and the Psychology of Brilliant Business
• Executive NLP Practitioner Training – Module One

 

Anecdotally, I’m hearing lots of stories of how people are reacting to the lifting of lockdown restrictions.

As well as hearing the relief and pleasure of people returning to their offices, I’m hearing that some people are suffering anxiety and panic attacks when faced with the prospect of leaving their home to go to work.

As well as hearing the care and concern of business leaders wanting to bring people safely back to the office, I’m also hearing that some business leaders are so content with their own experience of working at home that they’re delaying the return to company premises.  Some are even selling off the company premises!

Alongside relief at returning to normal and pleasure in anticipate of seeing people in person, I’m hearing frustration with colleagues showing poor performance and resentment of using home as a workplace.

Mixed emotions indeed.

What I’m not hearing, is much discussion of individual needs and circumstances.  I’m not hearing about bosses considering each person in their team and what they need.  I’m not hearing people considering how to work effectively as a team, given their different capabilities and circumstances.

Now, it’s possible that I’m just not hearing it.  It could be that everyone is having the conversations about getting the best for – and from – each individual person, as we move forward into reducing restrictions and the freedom to resume old activities.  Maybe I’m just not being included in the chat.

But it occurs to me, that after over a year (in the UK at least) of minimal interaction with anyone outside of our domestic circle, maybe we’ve lost our ‘second position’.

‘Second position’ in NLP terms is one of three Perceptual Positions.  It means taking different points of view on the same situation. In NLP we usually consider three different perceptual positions:

First position: Looking at the world from your own point of view, totally aware of your own feelings, needs, experience, agenda and thoughts, without taking account of anyone else’s point of view – ‘How is this for me?’

Second position: Imagining what it is like for another person in this situation; considering their needs, thoughts, experience, feelings and agenda – ‘How is this for him or her?’ (Notice that this is not the same as wondering ‘What would I do in their situation?’ It’s more to do with wondering ‘What would they do in their situation?’ The stronger rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position.)

Neuroscience has revealed the role of ‘mirror neurons’ in adopting second position.  When we observe another person, mirror neurons fire, creating a parallel experience for the observer.  Facial expressions are important here, especially the smile.  It’s not surprising then, when people have been wearing masks outside the home, that it’s been harder to get that sense of what’s going for someone else.

Third position: Seeing the world from an outside point of view, as an independent observer, someone with no personal involvement in the situation – ‘How would this look to someone who is not involved?’ From this objective viewpoint you can observe, evaluate and create new and useful choices.

NLP assumes that all three positions are equally important; none is any better or worse than the others. The ideal is to be able to move between them freely and use whichever one suits your purpose at the time.

At this time, as coronavirus restrictions are being lifted and we are beginning to spend time with people outside of the domestic ‘bubble’, let’s pause to consider the value of each of the positions:

First position:

In times of stress, we tend to use first position more than normal as we grapple with ways to reduce the stress and to cope with the way we’re feeling.  Therefore, it’s likely that most people have spent a lot of time in first position over the past year or so.  This enhanced self-awareness can be useful.  It can also lead to a lack of concern for others, even – dare I say it – to self-obsession.

Second position:

It’s easy to assume that as the coronavirus restrictions are lifted everyone will be happy.  If you stop to think about it, it’s obviously not as simple as that.  It’s also easy to judge other people’s attitudes to increasing freedom, to be impatient with those who are still wary of socialising or annoyed with people who are already throwing parties.

By adopting second position, we can cultivate a greater awareness of each person’s unique situation.  The reality is, this has been a new experience for everyone and each of us has had to find our own way to cope.  Keeping an open mind about what’s going on for another person and withholding judgement about how they have found their way to cope will go a long way to re-establishing good relationships.

Spending time with more people (perhaps wearing masks less frequently) challenges our ability to relate in real time and space interactions.  I think this may be like an under-used muscle that suddenly has to start taking the weight.

Third position:

The third position offers a detached pint of view.  Mentally stepping outside of our habitual way of thinking and analysing our own position (and possibly the position of others) can be very helpful.  There are various ways to imagine this.  You could imagine how you appear to someone who doesn’t know you personally.  You can imagine how the current situation might look with the benefit of hindsight in five years’ time.  You can imagine viewing CCTV footage of your actions.  The important thing is to detach from the emotional content of the experience and see it objectively.  A wider context can also help.

To what end?  To expand your perception of the situation and create more choice in how you choose to respond.  As I said earlier, I’ve been wondering whether we’ve lost our ‘second position’.  If we have, I think it’s time we put some effort in to recovering it.  Kindness and compassion, empathy and awareness are going to be very necessary as we shift back into a more social way of life.

What do you think?

When I worked as a consultant and trainer for a small consulting firm, it was someone else’s job to source venues. We had an in-house team that managed the public programmes and when delivering an event for a client, the client chose the venue. So, when I started my own business in 1997 and started running my own public programmes, I didn’t have a relationship with any local venues.

Not that I was new to running events. In my final ‘proper job’, where I was UK Head of Training, my PA and I spent a good deal of time researching and visiting venues for training courses, off-site meetings and our annual Trainers’ Conference. The task was simply to find a suitable venue in my local area.

At the last count I’ve used about a dozen local hotels in the 24 years since I started my business. Some of them have closed down, some just didn’t suit me, some continue to be great locations for specific programmes. I aim to have a relationship with more than one venue at a time – I got caught out with ‘all my eggs in one basket’ in the past and now I prefer to balance the risk by having options. Having said that, when I find somewhere that works for me, I’m a very loyal customer.

Here are my criteria for a great venue for the kind of course I run now. I’m thinking of the NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner, the LAB Profile training or a small team event. Group size is rarely more than twelve.

1. Location

The location is important because most people will be driving to it, some will come by public transport and however my clients are travelling I want the venue to be easy to get to. Hence, I prefer somewhere that is no more than 15 minutes from a major road, no more than 40 minutes from the nearest airport. At the same time, I want it to be somewhere appealing. If it feels like a bit of a treat to be there, so much the better. (So, no airport hotels then!)

I also prefer to be fairly close to home. A three-hour journey at the end of five days delivery was not uncommon when I worked for someone else. Now that it’s my choice, I prefer to be in Warwickshire. For a client, of course, I’ll go to the ends of the Earth – and sometimes do, depending on where you think are the ends of the Earth!

2. Size

Cue the cheap laughs, size IS important. If I’m working with a small group over an extended time period, I want to be in a venue where any other groups are also small and stay for at least a day or two. In a large venue with large groups coming and going, it’s easy for a small group to be de-prioritised or overlooked altogether. I know because I’ve made the mistake of booking a room in a large conference hotel and constantly had to remind staff to bring our tea and coffee.

I also prefer a smaller venue because the number of staff is smaller and there is a greater opportunity to build up a working relationship with the people on whom I depend for the smooth running of my event.

3. Space

Space is important, both indoors and outdoors. Ideally, I want somewhere where we can spread out in our training room. I don’t want a ‘board room’ for twelve that barely has space to pull the chairs out. I want a space where I can set up for the presentations and demos and also have a separate area for break-out exercises without having to use ‘syndicate rooms’. I do like to be able to keep an eye on everyone and be available to answer questions during practical sessions.

Natural light is essential. So are privacy and low levels of noise.

Outdoor space is also significant. NLP training can be intense and it’s often good for participants to be able to take a walk outside during the break. We all know the soothing power of Nature!

4. Style

This is very personal, but I want to be working in a place I like. I would never book a venue that looked shabby or dirty, but I would hesitate equally over somewhere that had décor that didn’t appeal to my taste. Environments are important because they affect our internal state. I want to be in the best possible state to deliver my programme, so choosing an environment where I feel comfortable – even feel at home – is important.

NLP Trainers have said to me, “Surely you can manage your state regardless of the environment?” Yes, I can. I once had to deliver a 20-day programme during renovation work that the venue neglected to tell me about until the day before my programme started. We moved around the hotel, using whichever space was least disrupted on each day. The programme was still a success, but much more effort was required on my part to keep the right atmosphere.

Yes, I can manage my state, but I’d rather be putting my energy into other aspects of the delivery!

5. Staff

It doesn’t matter how perfect the environment seems to be, if the staff aren’t doing a great job, it’s not going to work for me. It’s not always easy to tell how well an event will be staffed until it’s actually in progress, so I usually aim to run a short event in a new venue before I commit to a long one.

I began my career in the service sector and I’ve spent months of my life delivering training in customer service so I do have high standards. For me, it’s not about the staff getting everything right first time, it’s about their willingness to listen, to understand what I want and to remember it so that I don’t have to keep asking for the same things every day. Which brings me to…

6. Consistency

When I book a venue for a modular programme, I want to be sure I’m booking the same room for every single day of the programme. This isn’t just because I’ve chosen the room best suited to our purpose and I don’t want a different one. It’s also because the room becomes an anchor for the course participants and when they arrive back for a new module they feel as if they haven’t been away. Continuity of environment assists with continuity of learning.

In the same way, being supported by the same staff each day helps a lot. It’s not always possible because of the shift patterns, but the fewer people I have to work with, the more quickly we come to understand each other and work effectively together.

7. Food

If the food isn’t good, I go somewhere else. No debate. Poor food can be such a distraction on a residential programme so I won’t compromise on this.

8. Bedrooms

I often stay in the hotel where I’m running an event and I want to be comfortable. One of the Brilliant Minds values is ‘comfort and joy’.

But it’s not just about me – if my clients are going to stay overnight, the rooms have to be up to standard. Clean, modern facilities, comfortable bed, temperature control – they all matter. Like poor food, all these things become a distraction if they’re not right.

I could go on, but I think these are the top criteria. Don’t get me started on the challenge of negotiating the deal with a salesperson and arriving at the hotel to find that most of your requirements haven’t been passed on to the operational team of the day. (That’s why I like to arrive on the evening before the event)

Ultimately, I know that when you book to attend a Brilliant Minds course, the venue is an integral part of the experience. Hence the venue and the quality of service you get are a part of my brand. I’m not going to trust that to anyone – or anywhere – without giving it a great deal of thought.

 

Your turn…

If you’ve attended one of our courses, what did you think of the venue?

Even if you haven’t, what do you like in a conference hotel?