At one of our team meetings, I asked each person to tell us about their favourite books on coaching and I thought you might like to see the list…

Debbie’s recommendations

• “Supercoaching” by Graham Alexander and Ben Renshaw – I think I used this as a reference when I was running courses helping other people to be better coaches but, glancing through it today, I think my coaching skills benefit from me re-reading it.
• “101 Coaching Strategies and Techniques” – edited by Gladeana McMahon and Anne Archer. This has 101 chapters/articles (by different authors) all linked in some way to coaching e.g. Achieving an outcome by exploring metaphors / Issue Processing / Unblocking Resistance or Fear.

Vicki’s recommendations

• “Coaching for Performance” by Sir John Whitmore
• “The Coach’s Casebook” by Watts & Morgan
• “Co-Active Coaching” by Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Philip Sandahl, Laura Whitworth
• “Supercoach” by Michael Neill
• “Essential Business Coaching” by Averil Leimon, Francoise Moscovici, Gladeana McMahon
• …and I’ve just started listening to “The Heart of Laser Focussed Coaching” by Marion Franklin and it’s good so far!

Dianne’s recommendations

• “Coaching for Performance” – Sir John Whitmore – the first coaching course I attended (back in 1993) was presented by Sir John Whitmore and he signed my copy of his book. Apart from the sentimental value, it’s still one of the best books about coaching. (You may have noticed that three of us included it!)
• “The Coaching Habit” – Michael Bungay Stanier – this is one I recommend to managers who want to adopt a coaching style of leadership as opposed to becoming a full-time coach. I kind of wish I’d written it!

Jeremy’s recommendations

• “The Tao of Coaching” by Max Landsberg
• “Sporting Excellence” by David Hemery – It’s about the mental side of elite sport, and great for anyone interested in performance coaching.
• “Mind Games” by Jeff Grout, Sarah Perrin – Similar to Hemery’s book.
• “Coaching for Performance” Sir John Whitmore
• “Effective Coaching” by Myles Downey

Neil’s recommendation

• From Coach to Awakener by Robert Dilts

 

Please share your own favourites below.

“In a good cause, there is no failure, only delayed success” George Bernard Shaw

How do you deal with failure and disappointment? What do you do when you’ve set your heart on something and it doesn’t work out? Here are some thoughts about how to handle the delays to your success.

First of all, failure hurts. Disappointment is a real emotion. Rather than trying to ‘tough it out’, it’s better to acknowledge the way you are feeling, even if it’s just to yourself. Also confiding in someone you trust can make a big difference. Scream, cry, sulk a bit if you must but don’t bottle it up. Your feelings won’t go away until they’ve been expressed in some way. And you can’t move on while you’re still feeling bad.

Then, once you’ve got it off your chest, recognise that you have a choice about what happens next. Yes, you can sulk for the next three years if you want, that’s your prerogative. You can also choose to focus your energy on something else entirely. Sometimes that’s a good choice, sometimes it might feel like giving up. Or you can decide to go again.

If you decide to go again, there’s probably a lot to be gained from reflection and analysis: what did you do well? Where did you succeed? What went wrong? In fact, maybe nothing went wrong. Not everything is under your control. You may have been a great candidate for that promotion and performed well in your interview but someone else just had something extra to offer. So then the question is – how can I be the person with something extra to offer next time? Focus on the things that are under your control.

Even if you decide not to tackle this particular challenge again, there still may be important insights to be gained by a bit of self-reflection. What did you do well that you can do in other situations? Did you make any mistakes that could have parallels in other contexts? What have you discovered about yourself in this experience?

In analysing your performance, take advice and accept help. You don’t have to act on every piece of advice that comes your way, but if you listen to other people and let them give you support, your own thoughts will expand. That way you will be able to prepare for the next approach in a different way. If you repeat the same preparation and thought process as before, you’re quite likely to get the same result!

Work out what motivates you to stick at the task and to work towards your success. If the previous failure makes you grit your teeth and persevere, great. If thinking about the previous failure just makes you feel sad and demoralised, put it behind you and focus on your goal. Everyone is different and knowing what works for you is invaluable.

Ultimately, dealing with failure and disappointment is a life skill. Nobody gets everything their own way all the time and we all have to face up to disappointment at some point. No-one wants to court failure but knowing that you can handle it if you have to will add a layer of confidence to anything you tackle. It will also reduce the impact of any future delays to your success.