Anecdotally, I’m hearing lots of stories of how people are reacting to the lifting of lockdown restrictions.

As well as hearing the relief and pleasure of people returning to their offices, I’m hearing that some people are suffering anxiety and panic attacks when faced with the prospect of leaving their home to go to work.

As well as hearing the care and concern of business leaders wanting to bring people safely back to the office, I’m also hearing that some business leaders are so content with their own experience of working at home that they’re delaying the return to company premises.  Some are even selling off the company premises!

Alongside relief at returning to normal and pleasure in anticipate of seeing people in person, I’m hearing frustration with colleagues showing poor performance and resentment of using home as a workplace.

Mixed emotions indeed.

What I’m not hearing, is much discussion of individual needs and circumstances.  I’m not hearing about bosses considering each person in their team and what they need.  I’m not hearing people considering how to work effectively as a team, given their different capabilities and circumstances.

Now, it’s possible that I’m just not hearing it.  It could be that everyone is having the conversations about getting the best for – and from – each individual person, as we move forward into reducing restrictions and the freedom to resume old activities.  Maybe I’m just not being included in the chat.

But it occurs to me, that after over a year (in the UK at least) of minimal interaction with anyone outside of our domestic circle, maybe we’ve lost our ‘second position’.

‘Second position’ in NLP terms is one of three Perceptual Positions.  It means taking different points of view on the same situation. In NLP we usually consider three different perceptual positions:

First position: Looking at the world from your own point of view, totally aware of your own feelings, needs, experience, agenda and thoughts, without taking account of anyone else’s point of view – ‘How is this for me?’

Second position: Imagining what it is like for another person in this situation; considering their needs, thoughts, experience, feelings and agenda – ‘How is this for him or her?’ (Notice that this is not the same as wondering ‘What would I do in their situation?’ It’s more to do with wondering ‘What would they do in their situation?’ The stronger rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position.)

Neuroscience has revealed the role of ‘mirror neurons’ in adopting second position.  When we observe another person, mirror neurons fire, creating a parallel experience for the observer.  Facial expressions are important here, especially the smile.  It’s not surprising then, when people have been wearing masks outside the home, that it’s been harder to get that sense of what’s going for someone else.

Third position: Seeing the world from an outside point of view, as an independent observer, someone with no personal involvement in the situation – ‘How would this look to someone who is not involved?’ From this objective viewpoint you can observe, evaluate and create new and useful choices.

NLP assumes that all three positions are equally important; none is any better or worse than the others. The ideal is to be able to move between them freely and use whichever one suits your purpose at the time.

At this time, as coronavirus restrictions are being lifted and we are beginning to spend time with people outside of the domestic ‘bubble’, let’s pause to consider the value of each of the positions:

First position:

In times of stress, we tend to use first position more than normal as we grapple with ways to reduce the stress and to cope with the way we’re feeling.  Therefore, it’s likely that most people have spent a lot of time in first position over the past year or so.  This enhanced self-awareness can be useful.  It can also lead to a lack of concern for others, even – dare I say it – to self-obsession.

Second position:

It’s easy to assume that as the coronavirus restrictions are lifted everyone will be happy.  If you stop to think about it, it’s obviously not as simple as that.  It’s also easy to judge other people’s attitudes to increasing freedom, to be impatient with those who are still wary of socialising or annoyed with people who are already throwing parties.

By adopting second position, we can cultivate a greater awareness of each person’s unique situation.  The reality is, this has been a new experience for everyone and each of us has had to find our own way to cope.  Keeping an open mind about what’s going on for another person and withholding judgement about how they have found their way to cope will go a long way to re-establishing good relationships.

Spending time with more people (perhaps wearing masks less frequently) challenges our ability to relate in real time and space interactions.  I think this may be like an under-used muscle that suddenly has to start taking the weight.

Third position:

The third position offers a detached pint of view.  Mentally stepping outside of our habitual way of thinking and analysing our own position (and possibly the position of others) can be very helpful.  There are various ways to imagine this.  You could imagine how you appear to someone who doesn’t know you personally.  You can imagine how the current situation might look with the benefit of hindsight in five years’ time.  You can imagine viewing CCTV footage of your actions.  The important thing is to detach from the emotional content of the experience and see it objectively.  A wider context can also help.

To what end?  To expand your perception of the situation and create more choice in how you choose to respond.  As I said earlier, I’ve been wondering whether we’ve lost our ‘second position’.  If we have, I think it’s time we put some effort in to recovering it.  Kindness and compassion, empathy and awareness are going to be very necessary as we shift back into a more social way of life.

What do you think?