“In a good cause, there is no failure, only delayed success” George Bernard Shaw
How do you deal with failure and disappointment? What do you do when you’ve set your heart on something and it doesn’t work out? Here are some thoughts about how to handle the delays to your success.
First of all, failure hurts. Disappointment is a real emotion. Rather than trying to ‘tough it out’, it’s better to acknowledge the way you are feeling, even if it’s just to yourself. Also confiding in someone you trust can make a big difference. Scream, cry, sulk a bit if you must but don’t bottle it up. Your feelings won’t go away until they’ve been expressed in some way. And you can’t move on while you’re still feeling bad.
Then, once you’ve got it off your chest, recognise that you have a choice about what happens next. Yes, you can sulk for the next three years if you want, that’s your prerogative. You can also choose to focus your energy on something else entirely. Sometimes that’s a good choice, sometimes it might feel like giving up. Or you can decide to go again.
If you decide to go again, there’s probably a lot to be gained from reflection and analysis: what did you do well? Where did you succeed? What went wrong? In fact, maybe nothing went wrong. Not everything is under your control. You may have been a great candidate for that promotion and performed well in your interview but someone else just had something extra to offer. So then the question is – how can I be the person with something extra to offer next time? Focus on the things that are under your control.
Even if you decide not to tackle this particular challenge again, there still may be important insights to be gained by a bit of self-reflection. What did you do well that you can do in other situations? Did you make any mistakes that could have parallels in other contexts? What have you discovered about yourself in this experience?
In analysing your performance, take advice and accept help. You don’t have to act on every piece of advice that comes your way, but if you listen to other people and let them give you support, your own thoughts will expand. That way you will be able to prepare for the next approach in a different way. If you repeat the same preparation and thought process as before, you’re quite likely to get the same result!
Work out what motivates you to stick at the task and to work towards your success. If the previous failure makes you grit your teeth and persevere, great. If thinking about the previous failure just makes you feel sad and demoralised, put it behind you and focus on your goal. Everyone is different and knowing what works for you is invaluable.
Ultimately, dealing with failure and disappointment is a life skill. Nobody gets everything their own way all the time and we all have to face up to disappointment at some point. No-one wants to court failure but knowing that you can handle it if you have to will add a layer of confidence to anything you tackle. It will also reduce the impact of any future delays to your success.
