After eighteen months of working at home, of endless video meetings and isolation from clients and colleagues, how are your team doing?

I’m assuming you have a team.

Whether you’re the leader of a team, a department or a division, whether you own the company or you’re part of a network of Associates, I’m guessing there are people who look to you for guidance and direction. Maybe not all the time, but certainly when the going gets tough.

I keep hearing the phrase ‘remote leadership’. Meaning, I assume, leadership from a distance, rather than the kind of distant, don’t-speak-unless-you’re-spoken-to kind of leadership that nobody wants or admits to.

Remote leadership is about providing direction and guidance to people you can’t be with face-to-face. Is it different from any other kind of leadership? Not really, it just requires a different kind of awareness and a bit of creativity.

Of course, there are lots of business leaders for whom managing a remote team is nothing new. Reliance on video conferencing, email and the occasional phone call is familiar territory for many and isn’t seen as a problem. Or it wasn’t.

Why is it a problem now? Because your team members are facing a different set of problems:

Any one of them might be:

• Fed up with working at home
• Worried about job security
• Tired of interacting via screens instead of in person
• Exhausted by uncertainty
• Needing an opportunity to get out of the house
• Frightened of returning to the office
• Suffering with ‘long COVID’
• Looking for another job
• Anxious about the future
• Feeling under-valued or under-utilised
• Out of touch with what’s going on in the business

Need I go on?

How would you know if even one of these were true about one of your people? In an environment where you only see them on screen for a part of the day, would you know if they were putting on a brave face during a meeting and then subsiding into desperation or distress once the camera goes off?

In the office, you can get a much more complete sense of a person, even if you’re not directly interacting with them all day. On screen, it’s much harder.

I’m flagging this up in case you’ve been under so much pressure to figure out when and how to return to the office that you haven’t been paying as much attention to your people as they might need.

Just because you can’t go for a walk around the office, doesn’t mean you can’t keep an eye on people. You just have to get a bit more creative about how you do it…

Please feel free to share your top tips for remote leadership below.

I moved house in April. My new home is a ‘new build’ and I’ve enjoyed the fact that no-one has lived here before me and I can create everything to my own taste and style. Inevitably, my first few months have be focused on the interior of the house, getting everything unpacked, disposing of items I no longer need and organising functional storage.

Last weekend, as I was cutting the grass – which is almost the only gardening I’ve been doing – it occurred to me that although I’d decided that the garden was a job for 2022, I have an opportunity right now to plant Spring bulbs and to enjoy a display of crocuses, daffodils and hyacinths in the early part of the year.

The front of the house has a small garden, mainly planted with evergreen shrubs by the builder. For some inexplicable reason, there is a very small patch of lawn (currently looking dry, sparse and slightly forlorn) on one side of the frontage. When I say small, I mean it’s less than a square metre. Possibly half that.

Musing on Spring bulbs, I realised that this would actually be the perfect place for a display of crocuses. Maybe with a border of hyacinths…

Plant now and I’ll have some lovely Spring colour in five or six months’ time. If I make the effort.

Which got me thinking about delayed gratification:

“Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure of life by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.”

M.Scott Peck
(Author of ‘The Road Less Travelled’)

Delayed gratification isn’t fashionable. We live in a world that encourages us to embrace the motto of ‘I want it all and I want it now’. Patient dedication to a long term outcome is under-valued by those who have never experienced it. And by some that have.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t a great example. Planting a few bulbs is hardly painful. I’m sure many keen gardeners will regard that as pleasurable. I do too. The challenge is allocating time to choose and buy the bulbs and then a time to plant them, when my schedule is already looking quite full.  It would be easy to put it off and put it off and miss the opportunity.

I know myself well enough to know that now I’ve had the thought, I’ll find some time. I’ll probably order the bulbs from an online supplier, taking the time to choose what I want during an evening when I’m finished with work for the day. Once the bulbs are delivered, I’ll be keen to make sure they don’t go to waste, so an hour that might have otherwise been spent relaxing will become a gardening hour.

For me, as long as I get started on something, I know I’m likely to complete it. I also know that if I didn’t act on that particular bright idea, I’d regret it every day in the Spring that I walked past that forlorn patch of grass.

How do I know this? Long experience!

I have had my times in the past when I’ve sold myself on the idea that I was too busy to do something and then regretted it later. There have been times when the immediate demands of the day or week have drawn my attention away from the long term view.

Often, when something isn’t working out the way I’d like, I can look back and see the actions I could have taken. Action which, had I taken them, might have altered the current situation significantly.

So, if you’ve made it this far through my ramblings about my garden, here’s something to muse on:

What can you do now, to ensure that 2022 turns out the way you want it?

Mental health is a hot topic. It’s no surprise that after 18 months of the pandemic many people are feeling the strain. Business researchers are talking about a ‘shadow pandemic’ of mental health problems affecting productivity at work and there have been a number of high profile sporting stars who have withdrawn from competing for the sake of their mental wellbeing.

For most of us, potential sources of mental health problems include lockdown, working at home, the threat of serious illness to yourself or loved ones, the actual illness or death of loved ones, loss of livelihood and the general curtailment of normal life.

Interestingly though, most of the talk in the media is about mental health problems. This in itself might be a problem…

When we talk about physical health problems, many people will start to imagine they have a serious illness just because they recognise some symptoms. You know the kind of thing I mean – “I have a headache, it must be a brain tumour” or “My stomach is uncomfortable, I must have an ulcer” – and although we know it’s silly, it’s still easy to do.

I suspect the same is true of mental health problems. If you read all the symptoms of anxiety or depression, there’s a good chance that you’ll relate to some of them.

So, let’s look at the ‘symptoms’ of good mental health.  How many of these do you recognise in yourself?

1. You get done most of the things you intend to do in a day
2. You feel a sense of satisfaction at your achievements
3. You plan ahead
4. You enjoy spending time with friends and family
5. You are happy for other people when they succeed in some way
6. You sleep well
7. You have good appetite, but you don’t over-indulge in food or drink
8. You spend time on your hobbies or favourite form of exercise
9. You laugh every day
10. You are grateful

If you can say yes to even five or six of these, you’re probably in pretty good shape mentally. (If you’re saying no to most of them, it might be time to get some help.)

It’s been a tough time for a lot of people and most of us have seen our usual routines disrupted. For a boost to your wellbeing, reintroduce some of the things you used to enjoy. A hobby or a sport, a regular social gathering or a trip to visit friends and family.

In particular, if you’re an introverted type, you may not realise that the mental discomfort you feel is a craving for company. You’re more familiar with the craving for solitude, but you may have completely fulfilled that need in the past year! Get out and re-join the human race. I know from my personal experience that a day spent out of the house and among other people has lifted my mental energy significantly.

In just the same way that we can promote our own physical wellbeing, we can lift our mental wellbeing with good habits. What can you do today to feel good?

At one of our team meetings, I asked each person to tell us about their favourite books on coaching and I thought you might like to see the list…

Debbie’s recommendations

• “Supercoaching” by Graham Alexander and Ben Renshaw – I think I used this as a reference when I was running courses helping other people to be better coaches but, glancing through it today, I think my coaching skills benefit from me re-reading it.
• “101 Coaching Strategies and Techniques” – edited by Gladeana McMahon and Anne Archer. This has 101 chapters/articles (by different authors) all linked in some way to coaching e.g. Achieving an outcome by exploring metaphors / Issue Processing / Unblocking Resistance or Fear.

Vicki’s recommendations

• “Coaching for Performance” by Sir John Whitmore
• “The Coach’s Casebook” by Watts & Morgan
• “Co-Active Coaching” by Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Philip Sandahl, Laura Whitworth
• “Supercoach” by Michael Neill
• “Essential Business Coaching” by Averil Leimon, Francoise Moscovici, Gladeana McMahon
• …and I’ve just started listening to “The Heart of Laser Focussed Coaching” by Marion Franklin and it’s good so far!

Dianne’s recommendations

• “Coaching for Performance” – Sir John Whitmore – the first coaching course I attended (back in 1993) was presented by Sir John Whitmore and he signed my copy of his book. Apart from the sentimental value, it’s still one of the best books about coaching. (You may have noticed that three of us included it!)
• “The Coaching Habit” – Michael Bungay Stanier – this is one I recommend to managers who want to adopt a coaching style of leadership as opposed to becoming a full-time coach. I kind of wish I’d written it!

Jeremy’s recommendations

• “The Tao of Coaching” by Max Landsberg
• “Sporting Excellence” by David Hemery – It’s about the mental side of elite sport, and great for anyone interested in performance coaching.
• “Mind Games” by Jeff Grout, Sarah Perrin – Similar to Hemery’s book.
• “Coaching for Performance” Sir John Whitmore
• “Effective Coaching” by Myles Downey

Neil’s recommendation

• From Coach to Awakener by Robert Dilts

 

Please share your own favourites below.

“In a good cause, there is no failure, only delayed success” George Bernard Shaw

How do you deal with failure and disappointment? What do you do when you’ve set your heart on something and it doesn’t work out? Here are some thoughts about how to handle the delays to your success.

First of all, failure hurts. Disappointment is a real emotion. Rather than trying to ‘tough it out’, it’s better to acknowledge the way you are feeling, even if it’s just to yourself. Also confiding in someone you trust can make a big difference. Scream, cry, sulk a bit if you must but don’t bottle it up. Your feelings won’t go away until they’ve been expressed in some way. And you can’t move on while you’re still feeling bad.

Then, once you’ve got it off your chest, recognise that you have a choice about what happens next. Yes, you can sulk for the next three years if you want, that’s your prerogative. You can also choose to focus your energy on something else entirely. Sometimes that’s a good choice, sometimes it might feel like giving up. Or you can decide to go again.

If you decide to go again, there’s probably a lot to be gained from reflection and analysis: what did you do well? Where did you succeed? What went wrong? In fact, maybe nothing went wrong. Not everything is under your control. You may have been a great candidate for that promotion and performed well in your interview but someone else just had something extra to offer. So then the question is – how can I be the person with something extra to offer next time? Focus on the things that are under your control.

Even if you decide not to tackle this particular challenge again, there still may be important insights to be gained by a bit of self-reflection. What did you do well that you can do in other situations? Did you make any mistakes that could have parallels in other contexts? What have you discovered about yourself in this experience?

In analysing your performance, take advice and accept help. You don’t have to act on every piece of advice that comes your way, but if you listen to other people and let them give you support, your own thoughts will expand. That way you will be able to prepare for the next approach in a different way. If you repeat the same preparation and thought process as before, you’re quite likely to get the same result!

Work out what motivates you to stick at the task and to work towards your success. If the previous failure makes you grit your teeth and persevere, great. If thinking about the previous failure just makes you feel sad and demoralised, put it behind you and focus on your goal. Everyone is different and knowing what works for you is invaluable.

Ultimately, dealing with failure and disappointment is a life skill. Nobody gets everything their own way all the time and we all have to face up to disappointment at some point. No-one wants to court failure but knowing that you can handle it if you have to will add a layer of confidence to anything you tackle. It will also reduce the impact of any future delays to your success.

You might recognise the quote from the famous BBC quiz show, Mastermind. The rules of the game mean that if the host has started to ask a new question when the time buzzer goes off, they finish asking the question and the contestant is allowed to answer.

In real life, not everything is that simple.

In a recent meeting where we were examining the buying patterns of our clients, one of my colleagues asked me, ‘Why would someone come to a Taster Day or to Module One of NLP Practitioner training and then not complete the journey?’ Interesting question…

There could be many reasons why someone, having started something, doesn’t complete it.

If I look at the question through the lens of the LAB Profile, the Reason filter has something interesting to offer.

The Reason filter casts light on how a person most likes to work. Is there are a constant drive to find new ways to do a task, or do they prefer to stick with what they know works? It’s the difference between an Options and a Procedures preference.

The person with an Options preference, likes to have (obviously) options. They enjoy variety and get bored if they have to follow a procedure laid down by someone else. They might have trouble committing to a specific opportunity, just in case something better comes along. While the idea of a Taster Day might appeal to someone in this frame of mind, they might not book a ticket until relatively close to the event – being satisfied that nothing more interesting was offered. (What could be more interesting than a Brilliant Minds Taster Day? Really!) We sometimes get last-minute enquiries from people wondering how to book a place or which methods of payment we accept. They want to know all the options.

If we then look at the person with the Procedures preference in this context – because all LAB Profile patterns are context-dependent – we see a totally different attitude. The person in Procedures mode will probably follow a link from one of our emails and go through the booking procedure as it’s offered. They will be happy to receive a confirmation email and – later on – further joining instructions for the day itself. If I get advance questions from someone like this, they’re likely to be about the start and finish times or about what happens after the Taster Day.

You see, the person with the Procedures preference sees chains of events, steps in a process or sequences of activity. They like to know where they are in the process and where it will end.

Consider this: at the end of a Taster Day, when I offer people the opportunity to come along to the first Module of our NLP Practitioner training at a discounted rate, who finds it easiest to say ‘Yes’?

In general, it’s the person in Procedures mode. They have taken the first step and it’s logical to them to take the next step. Many will commit to the whole 20-day programme at this stage because they feel that, having started, they want to complete the journey.

The person in Options mode, on the other hand, finds it harder to say ‘yes’. The next step could be a month or two away and they don’t know whether there might be some other opportunity coming their way. They want to keep their options open. Maybe they book for Module One and decide to wait and see about the rest of the programme. This is, of course, exactly why we offer the opportunity to come to Module One with no obligation to go any further. I believe that once you have experienced the magic of NLP, you’ll want to do the whole course but I understand it’s a big commitment of time and money and you want to be certain that it’s for you.

And here’s where we find a paradox…

I always suggest to people who have booked for Module One of NLP Practitioner training that they pencil in the dates for the rest of the programme, ‘to keep their options open’. Why? Because I’ve had a few people in the past who booked for Module One, loved it and wanted to carry on through the programme but already had a lot of the dates booked for other things and so weren’t able to join us. By trying to keep their options open they actually removed the option to complete the course.

If we go back to the original question, ‘Why would someone come to a Taster Day or to Module One of NLP Practitioner training and then not complete the journey?’  more often than not, the answer is, ‘because they were keeping their options open.’

Yes, occasionally someone concludes ‘it’s not for me’ – usually these are people who have been persuaded along by someone else. Occasionally someone can’t get the support they need from their employer but most people who come to a Taster Day are keen to do more. The reality is, if you’re going to participate in a 20-day programme spread out over five months, it takes a bit of planning.

 

If you’d like to get started, here are the links to find out more about our Taster Days and Module One of NLP Practitioner training:

• Brilliant Minds Taster Days – NLP, Neuroscience and the Psychology of Brilliant Business
• Executive NLP Practitioner Training – Module One